Eight important lessons and insights to patience for parents of wayward children. Quotes are taken from a BYU devotional speech entitled “Patience” by Neal A. Maxwell.
By nature, I am an impatient person. God is very used to me asking for things to happen right NOW! Yet, truth be told, the older I have gotten, I have come to realize that patience is a godly attribute that we must all learn.
I recently read a talk by Elder Neal A. Maxwell entitled Patience. Inspired by his talk, I jotted down 8 insights that I believe could be helpful to parents of wayward children. Eight insights to bring comfort, understanding, and/or hope to parents who have children struggling to find their way. (Elder Maxwell’s talk can be found at BYU Speeches)
8 Insights to Patience for Parents of Wayward Children
with quotes by Elder Neal A. Maxwell
1. Patience is having faith in God’s timetable.
“…When we are unduly impatient we are suggesting that we know what is best—better than does God. Or, at least, we are asserting that our timetable is better than His. Either way we are questioning the reality of God’s omniscience as if, as some seem to believe, God were on some sort of postdoctoral fellowship and were not quite in charge of everything.”
2. When our children choose a different path, we are counseled as parents to love our children unconditionally, pray for them always, and to continually live up to the covenants we have made to God. By doing these things we are promised blessings and miracles in regards to our children. There may be times, though, when we feel we are doing all the right things but we are seeing no results. In those moments, we must exercise patience.
“Sometimes that which we are doing is correct enough but simply needs to be persisted in- patiently- not for a minute or a moment but sometimes for years.”
3. When a parent teaches their child to walk for the first time, it consists of standing them up and then letting go. As the child takes his/her first steps, they fall many times before getting it right. We can compare this to parenting our adult children. We have done all we could during their childhood years to help them stand on their own, but then when they reach adulthood and leave home, it is as if we are letting go and watching them learn to walk all over again. Just like the small child they once were – who fell down many times – as an adult, they may also fall down many times before getting it right. As painful – and maybe even a little irritating – as it may be to watch, we must let them fall. That doesn’t mean we can’t be there for them to help them up, just as we did when they were little, but we must honor their free agency so that they can learn to walk on their own.
“Patience is not only a companion of faith but is also a friend to free agency. Inside our impatience there is sometimes an ugly reality: We are plainly irritated and inconvenienced by the need to make allowances for the free agency of others. In our impatience,…we would override others, even though it is obvious that our individual differences and preferences are so irretrievably enmeshed with each other that the only resolution which preserves free agency is for us to be patient and long-suffering with each other.”
4. As a mortal parent here on the earth, we do not have the luxury of being able to see into the future. We can though, find comfort and hope in knowing that many times patiently waiting brings a much-desired result.
Artwork by Liz Lemon Swindle
“The passage of time is not, by itself, an automatic cure for bad choices. But often individuals, like the prodigal son, can ‘in process of time’ come to their senses. The touching reunion of Jacob and Esau in the desert—so many years after their youthful rivalry, is a classic example of how generosity can replace animosity when truth is mixed with time (see Gen. 33).”
5. Patience involves trusting God. As parents, that includes trusting that He has a personalized “plan of salvation” planned out and in place for each of our children. Patience is sitting back and watching that plan unfold.
“Patience is a willingness, in a sense, to watch the unfolding purposes of God with a sense of wonder and awe, rather than pacing up and down within the cell of our circumstance. Put another way, too much anxious opening of the oven door and the cake falls instead of rising.”
6. As parents, there are often times when we feel the need to “fix everything” when in reality we must exercise self-control and let our children figure things out for themselves. (Refer back to #3, learning to walk on their own) What we need to realize is that learning self-control not only benefits our children, but it benefits us as well.
“…The Lord has twice said: ‘And seek the face of the Lord always, that in patience ye may possess your souls, and ye shall have eternal life’ (D&C 101:38, emphasis added; see also Luke 21:19). Could it be, brothers and sisters, that only when our self-control becomes total do we come into the true possession of our souls?”
7. It’s a humbling experience when we can look back and see the lessons we have learned as we have waited patiently and turned to God in our trials. As we look back, it’s also not uncommon to find that what we once found important is now insignificant and has been replaced with things that matter most.
The Better Part by Simon Dewey
“…In patience a greater opportunity for that discernment which sorts out the things that matter most from the things that matter least. The mealtime episode of the Savior in the home of Mary and Martha is an example. Anxious, impatient Martha focused on getting food on the table while Mary wisely chose ‘the good part’—companionship and conversation instead of calories—a good choice, the Savior said, which would not be taken from her.”
8. God loves each of us very much. He wants nothing more than for us to learn and to grow and to become more like Him. His greatest desire is for us to return to live with Him again and inherit the highest degree of glory. How else are we to do that other than by enduring the trials of this world? Trials, if we will let them, can teach us the godly attributes we need to become more like Him. How vitally important it is to look at these experiences with an eternal perspective, with an eye single to the glory of God, and with hope and excitement for the good things which are sure to come.
Artwork by Greg Olsen
“One of the functions of [tribulations] is that ‘tribulation worketh patience’ (Romans 5:3). What a vital attribute patience is if tribulation is worth enduring to bring about its development! Patience in turn brings about the needed experience, as noted in the stunning insight the Lord gave to the Prophet Joseph Smith: ‘All these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good’ (D&C 122:7).”
May we all strive for more patience as we struggle with the trials before us. It is while we are waiting that we come closer to God and get to know Him on a more personal level.
For more posts intended to bring comfort, understanding, and hope to parents of wayward children, click HERE
Yours Truly,
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