Counsel and advice on why we should not judge parents of wayward children but to be “willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort” – given by Robert L. Millet.
In a church that teaches to love your neighbors, there seems to always be a lot of judging going on – especially in the parenting department. One thing I have learned over the years, as Satan’s influence grows stronger and stronger in these last days, is that it does not matter how good of a parent you are, you can still find yourself with a wayward child. I know some of the greatest parents in the world who find themselves dealing with a child who has lost their way or dealing with a child’s rebellion that is causing havoc in their once peaceful home. I have only two words to those who find themselves judging parents of wayward children, BE KIND.
To further my point, I love how Robert L. Millet put it in his book When a Child Wanders. This is what he said:
JUDGE NOT
My wife, Shauna, was talking with a friend one morning when the conversation turned to children. The woman spoke rather unkindly about a family she knew and of the problems some of the daughters had had. “What kind of parents would let their children do such things?” the woman asked very pointedly. My wife timidly suggested that we really ought not make those kinds of judgments. The woman replied, “No, what I mean is, there’s no way my children would ever do those things.” Shauna responded, “I hope you’re right. But I wouldn’t say that if I were you. Children can change overnight.”
It’s so easy to jump to premature (and often inaccurate) conclusions when we know so little and have available so few of the facts. It’s natural to attribute motivation, assign intent, and designate guilt when we really have no idea what’s going on in the souls of other people. It is likely that few Latter-day Saint parents who bounce their little ones on their lap, read scriptures with them, kneel in prayer with them, and diligently try to embody the principles of the gospel ever suppose that their children could grow up to be indifferent or hostile toward sacred or eternal things. But sometimes things just don’t work out as we plan.
We must learn to rejoice with mothers and fathers whose children excel and whose loved ones develop into model citizens. We must learn to feel deep gratitude for the young ones who are not our own but whose lives bless the lives of their parents and grandparents. On the other hand, we must, as a part of our Christian covenant, be “willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; yea, and …willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort” (Mosiah 18:8-9).
It is a wrenching thing to lose a loved one to death. It is perhaps even more wrenching to lose a loved one to the influences of the world, to watch helplessly as one over whom we have prayed and longed and yeared turns a deaf ear to counsel and wanders away into the mists of darkness.
It seems so natural to show up on the doorstep of a friend whose child has been taken in death and grieve with our friends in their loss. It seems so much more difficult to respond in like fashion when our friend’s child has gone inactive, has turned to drugs, or has become immoral. We would never think of criticizing a parent whose baby daughter contracted leukemia and died, but we are tempted to place blame at the door of a parent whose son or daughter breaks the law and seems to have died spiritually.
…Maybe there is not much we can do; we probably cannot turn our neighbor’s child around on our own. But we can care. We can hurt with our brothers and sisters. And we can pray for them. That’s a start. Catchy cliches and platitudes seldom bring comfort, but genuine expressions of love and concern do much to ease the burdens of troubled hearts.
For more posts intended to bring comfort, understanding, and hope to parents of wayward children, click HERE
Yours Truly,
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*Family praying image can be found on the Church’s website by clicking HERE. Used for educational purposes.
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